I appreciate all your comments on my last post. I wanted to post part of Kevin's comment from my Homo Emotional Deficit post, because I can also relate to what he said:
I know that when I meet my needs for non-sexual, non-romantic same-gender intimacy, my same-sex attractions all but disappear, and in their place comes a deep, natural attraction to my wife. The opposite is also true. When I am neglecting my need for emotional connection to my brothers, or if I have unresolved emotional issues blocking me from feeling that connection, my SSA starts to increase and my attraction to my wife decreases.
I know that this pattern is true in my life. Many dear friends also relate similar experiences. This has happened time and time again in my life.
I'm sure we all have different ways of meeting our same-gender intimacy needs, but I wanted to list a few that help me to emotionally connect and identify with other men (in no particular order):
(1) Playing sports with other men -- anyone up for baseball, football, basketball? (feeling like your part of a team, the joy of the win, the sorrow of defeat)
(2) Lifting weights with a buddy -- feeling support, feeling strong, feeling confident
(3) Going on a trip -- whether it is short day trip, a hike, or a 7 day cruise with three friends
(4) Getting together with the priesthood brothers to help someone move, (I think we all underestimate the power of service)
(5) Taking a shower together with other friends, such as a public showerroom at the gym after working-out (non-sexual nudity doesn't have to be a bad thing)
(6) Going out and enjoying a nice dinner (But what is better than the midnight dinner and chat at Village Inn or your faviorite local dive)
(7) Going camping -- I look forward to the father and sons outing every year
(8) Hugging and other gestures of physical affection -- what can I say it feels great to be touched
(9) Shaving -- shaving with a friend at the same time at the gym, getting ready to start my work day
(10) Massage - what a great way to bond through non-verbal communication, non-sexual touching has tremedous healing power
(11) Priesthood Meeting -- Going to Stake Priesthood Meeting or General Priesthood Meeting with your priesthood brothers (its even more intimate, when a friend sitting next to you, puts his arm around you, or rubs your back while listening to the speakers)
(12) Watching Sports -- I love when my Bishop invites me over to watch sports with him and his sons! It doesn't getter better than that
(13) House projects -- whether its your house or a friends, getting those power tools in your hands destroying and building is great
(14) Serving in the church -- I look foward to meeting with the Bishopric each Sunday to discuss the needs of the ward to minister together and administer.
(15) Spending time with family -- I love it when they guys get together and do guy things
I could probably list another 15, but those are activities that help me to meet my same gender needs. What's yours?
Great post Warren. I too have found many healthy ways to have my physical and emotional needs met by other men. It is refreshing to read your blog. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteAll good points, and I have most of the same reactions and get the same satisfaction. And having been married to a woman, I speak from experience: it all reconfirms to me that I could not be happy with a woman ever again, but only with another of God's sons.
ReplyDeleteI have replied to your post here: Meeting Same-Gender Intimacy Needs, a reply
ReplyDeleteMy text was rejected as too long to fit in a comments box here, so I just decided to post the whole thing over on my blog.
Hi,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your blog. I find it comforting to find others dealing with the same issue that I struggle with.
I have been chronicalling my journey at http://bit.ly/becDn9
I'd love to hear your thoughts, advice etc.
Got a book for you. Earth Sink (ISBN 9780976800439).
ReplyDelete