The best definition that I have seen of SSA is: Same-sex attraction is an intense interest in others of the same gender. This interest may include desires for their attention, friendship, intimacy, or a fascination with their bodies and other gender traits. It may also include erotic thoughts, feelings, and behaviors directed toward the same gender. The psychological community uses the term homosexuality to refer to the entire complex that includes attractions, feelings, desires, sexual behavior, identity, and all its associated aspects, such as problems with masculinity or femininity, self-perception, emotional dependencies, and relationship issues.
A person who experiences same-sex attraction may experience one or more of the following:
(1) Intense attractions toward people of the same gender. (These feelings may or may not be sexual or erotic.)
(2) Intense emotional involvement with people of the same gender.
(3) Sexual behavior. (The presence or absence of homosexual behavior does not determine whether someone experiences same-sex attraction–it cannot be identified simply by the presence or absence of outward sexual behavior.)
I do not believe that being attracted to members of the same sex in a sin, but I believe that homosexual acts are a sin, and lusting after men or erotic thoughts and fantasies are sinful as well.
I believe it is not helpful to:
(1) deny that you have an attraction to the same gender.
(2) pray for the attraction to go away, (you may be dissappointed in God in the attraction does not go away). I don't know of anyone who has said, they have been able to pray the attraction away. You might want to pray for ways to manage the attraction, pray for ways to heal the lack of male bonding that your are missing, etc. Maybe the attraction keeps us humble. Maybe it will go away, maybe it won't. Maybe it will go away when we die, maybe it won't. I think the best advice is: don't worry about whether it will or won't go away, just properly manage it!
(3) induldge in homosexual activity.
(4) feel shame or self-hate, or believe that God hates you because you are attracted to the same gender.
(5) isolate yourself from members of the same gender.
(6) be secret about it. You cannot meet reslove the internal turmoil and innner conflicts by being secret. You got to be able to talk it out. It doesn't mean you have to be open to everyone, but a few close friends can offer valuable support.
(7) try to force opposite sex attraction. Every time I would try to force it, I just felt worse inside and more inner turmoil.
Two thought questions:
(1) Are men who consider themselves SSA really that different than other men? (Two straight men who are good friends -- they love each other, care for each other, want to spend time together, are interested in each other, and to some degree are attracted to each other.)
(2) Is SSA a gift from God? (In other words, is it a privilege to be able to recognize the beauty of man?) I like the color green, I will probably always like the color green. I am fine if I always like the male body. There are a lot of speculation on the causes of SSA, to be honest they do not interest me. I think the bottom line is we just don't know.
Hi!
ReplyDeleteI agree with you on number 2. I never pray to Heavenly Father to remove this feeling, even though my mission president asked me to do so. I'm grateful to have SSA, thus why I have to ask to remove something I'm grateful for? However, I still obey the Gospel and keep myself worthy.
And you said it's not useful to force opposite sex attraction, but why you still got married in the temple?
Thank you
Joned
(1) Yes, SSA men really are different from straight men. They have desire to connect with men on a much deeper, sexual level. Just like a straight man is drawn sexually to hot women, so is a SSA man drawn sexually to hot men. This is much different than simply loving, caring for, and enjoying the company of another man. Many SSA men hang out with "fag hags" (women who enjoy the company of gay men). They are friends who love and care for each other even though the fags are not sexually attracted to the hags. It is the same with two straight men who are good friends.
ReplyDelete(2) I don't know if I would call SSA a gift. I would call it a challege that is given to certain people, necessary for their mortal journey and eternal progression. It is part of the refiner's fire, to teach them humility, faith, obedience, love, perseverance, and trust in the Lord.
I liked all of your definitions and explanations, except for the last #2. Im just not sure I agree with that one. But all the others were very though provoking! Thanks
ReplyDeleteI prayed for a long time to have SSA taken away and each time God said, "NO! You need this." - I think I prayed probably about 1,000 times for this... after a while the answer was just "you know what the answer is"... haha...
ReplyDeleteGreat post.
Man, this was a really good post. I wonder about all these things myself and its reassuring that there are others out there that struggle like myself. Well, I wish I could see the last number two come into play... but I am working on things. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteI would not call this a gift from God, but I would certainly call it a way of life. We are all given different (and many at that) trials, challenges to overcome.
ReplyDeleteThe Lord judges us not only by what we "do" but also our intentions. I'm glad to hear that you are still a member of the Church and that you haven't acted on it, yet, you don't want your curiosity to go too far.
I completely disagree with what you said about not being able to pray about it. Isn't that why we are given challenges and trials in this life? We learn and grow from them. We pray to overcome. Is this just flat out curiosity to you? I'm glad you are so open about it and completely agree with numbers 1,3-7 on your "not helpful" list.
When I am given a decision to make, or maybe have a question that is too embarrassing to ask a friend/family. In your case (SSA)...ask in humble prayer if this is a curiosity you need to overcome. Did you have a good relationship with your father? Do you think that's why you need adult male interaction? I know I sound like a therapist...but I'm curious with your story.
Again, It's okay that you have same gender attraction and I believe it is another reason to get down on your knees. But if you ever act on it. That's not okay and the Church does not support that.
Jeff in Colorado:
ReplyDeleteI'll post a little more about my marriage, but please feel free to email me, so we can talk about it more detail.
See my homosexuality post for a partial answer to (1). http://bradcarmack.blogspot.com/2010/02/i-support-heterosexual-members-of-lds.html
ReplyDeleteThanks for your blog.