An Opportunity to Give

The wife of a friend of mine is fighting a courageous battle with cancer. She received needed treatment that is not covered on their health insurance plan. If anyone reading my blog would be willing to donate to help this family with their medical costs it would be greatly appreciated. Here is the link to the website where you can donate:

http://www.everribbon.com/ribbon/view/1325

Sometimes we get too caught up in our own problems, and forget others need our help. This gives us an opportunity to help someone else!

Swimming

It has been awhile since I have posted on my blog. I'm not sure that my blog is that interesting or helpful to other LDS guys. If any of my readers would like to know my thoughts on a subject, please let me know. But I'm going to make a quick post. I love summertime! I love the sun, I love the heat, and I love the long days. Summertime give me ample oppportunity to get exercise. My favorite form of exercise is swimming. I love being in the water. I try two swim 2 to 3 miles a week, depending on my schedule. I love the summertime, where I can enjoy the outdoor pools and enjoy the water and the sun.

Right now I'm training for a triathlon. I love being in the water, and I love running, but I'm not a biker. Now I got to start biking. My triathlon is in two months, so I got hit the road. I love to challenge myself. Isn't that the purpose of life, to face and overcome or at least manage challenges? Attitude also makes all the difference. Whether your dealing with SSA, a triathlon, an illness, etc., an "I can make it attitude" and hope really makes the difference on perspective. Keep the faith, and keep the hope alive!

Keeping My LIfe in Balance

I loved listening and absorbing the messages from General Conference three weeks ago. I am beginning to reread the talks looking for the warnings our church leaders are giving. Two main points for me that I am getting from conference is (1) gratitude and (2) balance.

First, I could feel the love that our Father has for each of us as I listened to each of the speakers. The warnings that were given, is so each of us can be happy and have inner peace. I felt the gratitude of each of the speakers for the restored gospel. I too am grateful for the gospel -- that we have a good road map, so that we can return safely to our Father's presence. I going to try harder each day to give sincere thanks to God for the blessings he has given me - life, the Gospel of Christ, a Savior, a physical body, this beautiful earth, family, friends, etc. I'm also going to try to harder to thank others for their kindness and support.

Second, several times throughout conference, I was reminded to keep my life in balance. We have limited time, limited resources, and other limitations. I want to spend my time wisely and with purpose. A friend emailed me last week and said, he was thinking of closing an email account, because he was spending so much time checking it -- on SSA groups and issues. He said, he realized he was spending too much time thinking about, and talking about SSA. He realized he needed more balance in his life, he is turning to email less frequently. BRAVO!

I have been asked by several followers why I only post a blog about once a month. I don't want to become too self absorbed or caught-up in the SSA world. I have a great life, and SSA is a small part of it. I don't spend time searching blogs, or discussion groups on SSA. I don't want it to consume me. I have other more important responsibilities to take care of: family, work, church, neighbors, friends, community service, etc. Plus I need to take care of myself: daily exercise, scripture study, etc.

I'm not saying blogging is bad, or email is bad, or the subject of SSA is bad. I just think it is important to keep a balance in our lives, and not let the SSA aspect of our lives take control over other important responsibilities. I know as I don't focus on myself, but focus on others the SSA diminishes greatly. For me becomeing self-absorbed with my own SSA, is self-destructive. I notice with my closet friends, we are close not because someone is SSA or non-SSA. We are close because we share common interests, and enjoy serving one another and others.

Recognition of an Attraction

I love to attend the temple as regularly as possible, to feel the Lord's spirit, and receive personal revelation. I really appreciate what Beck wrote a couple of posts ago, and I wanted to make a few comments of my own.

As I have pondered about my recognition of an attraction to men, I have had experiences in the temple, at church, at home, at work, and other places, and felt that I have received personal inspiration, (for me) about the following:

(1) Recognizing a good looking man is not bad, it is not a sin, its what I do with the recognition of the attraction that can become problematic. Fantasies and lust are a sin -- "as a man thinketh so is he." I have trained my mind not to go there.
(2) I am not gay - that is label that just boxes someone in a corner,what does that means anyway? I dislike that word.
(3) I am not a homosexual -- I don't have sexual relationships with men, nor do I want such.
(4) Living a homosexual lifestyle is a sin -- the family is the basic governmental unit in God's plan, it is not appropriate for me to date or seek a relationship with another man.
(5) I am happily married to a woman, and I love her. I want to be with her forever.
(6) As I embrace the plan of salvation, the proclamation to the family, etc., and as I seek appropriate male friendships, and have good male bonding opportunities, and serve the Lord, I notice the attraction diminishes and is less and less on the forefront of my mind.
(7) I am not that different from other men. I notice I have similar thoughts, similar perspectives, similar mannerism's as other men that I associate with.
(8) I believe that I am worthy to serve the Lord in any position that he calls me. I love service -- it fills huge voids in my life, and teaches me the value and significance of the Lord's plan.
(9) Recognizing an attraction to men, is just a part of who I am. We all have individual characteristics, different likes and interests. One characteristic that just happens to be me - is that I recognize an attraction to men. I most likely had this characteristic in pre-earth life, and will most likely always contain that characteristic - post-earth life. I don't need to be fixed!!!
(10) As with any gift, such as a musical ability -- we can train the attraction for good rather than for bad, control it, as all human's have to control desires and passions, and learn to focus the gift appropriately. It takes a ton work, but isn't it worth it?

Next week is General Conference -- I'm looking forward to it, and more personal inspiration.

Life Is Good

I wanted to take a moment to reflect on how good life can be. I truely believe that God wants each of us to be happy and have joy. While we pursue happiness, there is also opposition in all things. Its a fact of life. I think how each person reacts to opposition shows his or her true character. I know as I work hard to keep the commandments and serve God, my family, friends, and strangers; God blesses me more than I deserve. I have good health and my wife and my family has good health. Wow! what a blessing, I try to never take health for granted. I have good job and I enjoy what I do to make a living. I'm grateful for membership in the church. It keeps me on the straight and narrow and provides an eternal perspective. I have support from family and friends. I enjoy sports and other interests. On top of everything, I'm attracted to guys. Being able to recognize a good looking guy and appreciating the male body is awesome. I never thought I would reach a point in my life, where I would thank God for SSA rather than seeing it as a curse. But I don't think it is a curse. I think it is a gift!

Meeting My Same-Gender Intimacy Needs

I appreciate all your comments on my last post. I wanted to post part of Kevin's comment from my Homo Emotional Deficit post, because I can also relate to what he said:

I know that when I meet my needs for non-sexual, non-romantic same-gender intimacy, my same-sex attractions all but disappear, and in their place comes a deep, natural attraction to my wife. The opposite is also true. When I am neglecting my need for emotional connection to my brothers, or if I have unresolved emotional issues blocking me from feeling that connection, my SSA starts to increase and my attraction to my wife decreases.

I know that this pattern is true in my life. Many dear friends also relate similar experiences. This has happened time and time again in my life.

I'm sure we all have different ways of meeting our same-gender intimacy needs, but I wanted to list a few that help me to emotionally connect and identify with other men (in no particular order):

(1) Playing sports with other men -- anyone up for baseball, football, basketball? (feeling like your part of a team, the joy of the win, the sorrow of defeat)

(2) Lifting weights with a buddy -- feeling support, feeling strong, feeling confident

(3) Going on a trip -- whether it is short day trip, a hike, or a 7 day cruise with three friends

(4) Getting together with the priesthood brothers to help someone move, (I think we all underestimate the power of service)

(5) Taking a shower together with other friends, such as a public showerroom at the gym after working-out (non-sexual nudity doesn't have to be a bad thing)

(6) Going out and enjoying a nice dinner (But what is better than the midnight dinner and chat at Village Inn or your faviorite local dive)

(7) Going camping -- I look forward to the father and sons outing every year

(8) Hugging and other gestures of physical affection -- what can I say it feels great to be touched

(9) Shaving -- shaving with a friend at the same time at the gym, getting ready to start my work day

(10) Massage - what a great way to bond through non-verbal communication, non-sexual touching has tremedous healing power

(11) Priesthood Meeting -- Going to Stake Priesthood Meeting or General Priesthood Meeting with your priesthood brothers (its even more intimate, when a friend sitting next to you, puts his arm around you, or rubs your back while listening to the speakers)

(12) Watching Sports -- I love when my Bishop invites me over to watch sports with him and his sons! It doesn't getter better than that

(13) House projects -- whether its your house or a friends, getting those power tools in your hands destroying and building is great

(14) Serving in the church -- I look foward to meeting with the Bishopric each Sunday to discuss the needs of the ward to minister together and administer.

(15) Spending time with family -- I love it when they guys get together and do guy things

I could probably list another 15, but those are activities that help me to meet my same gender needs. What's yours?

Homo Emotional Deficit

Have anyone read the writings on homosexuality by Elizabeth Moberly? I would love to get your comments. She and other of her collegues suggest that that homosexuality is ultimately about rejection of and detachment from self, from others, and one's own gender identity.

There is a large part of me that agrees with her. I have noticed over the years that as I am learning to love myself, learning how to be true friend, learning to be guilt free when desiring male friends and male bonding, and developing friendships and having male bonding experiences that same sex attraction is not as strong, and I don't desire sexual experiences with another man.

Moberly and her collegues suggestion the following:

There is no such thing as true homosexuality. Anyone who experiences same-sex attractions is latently heterosexual and merely stuck in an early stage of psychosexual development. When the causes are revealed and healed, gender identity will be experienced and heterosexual desires will ensue.

Homosexual feelings, thoughts and desires are symptoms of underlying issues. They represent a defensive response to conflicts in the present, a way to medicate pain and discomfort. They represent unresolved childhood trauma, archaic emotions, frozen feelings, wounds that never healed. They also represent a reparative drive to fulfill unmet homo-emotional love needs of the past --

Homosexuality represents an attachment strain, defensive detachment or defensive exclusion from the same-sex parent, same-sex peers, one's own body, and one's own sense of gender identity.

Homosexuality is an attachment disorder, whereby the individual feels separated from parents, self, body and others. "I don't fit in," "I don't belong," "I'm different from the rest," "I'm neither a boy nor girl," are some of the thoughts of those who experience same-sex attractions. The result is a gender identity deficit disorder.

Some events or elements that can lead to feeling homosexual can include:

Temperament
Some of the temperamental characteristics that may lead to a Gender Identity Deficit Disorder are hypersensitivity, a more artistic nature, a more masculine female, a more feminine male, and a "high maintenance" child.

Homo-emotional Wounds
In the father-son, mother-daughter relationship, the child perceives or experiences their same-sex parent as either cold, distant, absent, passive, abusive or excessively involved in his or her life. This homo-emotional wound is a key factor in the development of what may later appear as same-sex attractions.

Body Image Wounds
Late bloomer, early maturation, physical disabilities, shorter, taller, skinner, or fatter -- these are some characteristics that may result in body image wounds.

Social or Peer Wounds
Some experiences and characteristics individuals with same-sex attractions have lived through include: name calling, put downs, goody-goody, teacher's pet, non athletic, lack of rough and tumble for boys, and too much rough and tumble for girls.

Cultural Wounds
Cultural wounds are experienced from the media, educational system, entertainment industry, internet, and pornography. These influences lead to the molestation of the mind.

There are other elements, but as I have stated in past blogs, some of my own previous experiences or jealoousies relate to some of the elements described above. For me, as I work continue to become a "whole" person, the same sex attraction becomes less and less a predominant charateristic in my life.